that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
