Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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