I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
