The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
