He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Someone shattered a urinal.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
