idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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