Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
