either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
