Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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