i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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