Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
