After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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