I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
