I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
