I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
