i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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