david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
