in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
