keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
