i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
