beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
