does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
