sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
