Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
