Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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