i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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