the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
