North Korea, Best Korea!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She's the barista slut.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
