he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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