This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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