Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
