she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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