I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
