weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Did I show you my penis last night?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
