relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
