I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
