belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
