A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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