I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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