it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
