Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
