so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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