Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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