i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
