I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
