you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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