Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
