I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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