Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
