I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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