She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
